Tired of Starting Over? The Radical Truth About Making Changes That Actually Stick
Let's be honest. We've all been there.
You wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and suddenly it hits you – the stress, the weight gain, the constant exhaustion, the anxiety that's become your unwelcome companion. And in that moment of clarity, you make a decision: "That's it! I'm changing EVERYTHING. Starting today."
Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so.
Here's what typically happens next: You go all in. New diet. New exercise routine. New meditation practice. New supplements. New sleep schedule. New journaling habit. New EVERYTHING.
For about a week. Maybe two if you're exceptionally stubborn.
And then? Life happens. The kids need something. Work deadlines pile up. Your aging parent has a health scare. And before you know it, your grand transformation plan is gathering dust alongside that fancy smoothy blender you bought during your last "I'm changing everything" moment.
So you give up. Because if you can't do it all, why bother doing any of it?
Let me be clear: This "all or nothing" thinking is a trap. A damn good one that keeps us stuck in patterns that don't serve us, while at the same time convincing us all that we've somehow failed.
The Uncomfortable Truth
Here's the reality check: Transformation doesn't happen overnight, and it sure as hell doesn't happen all at once.
I learned this the hard way after my third burnout trying to overhaul my life in one grand sweep. My body and mind were sending clear signals – elevated blood pressure, disrupted sleep, constant anxiety – but my approach to fixing it was making everything worse.
My wake-up call came from my doctor: "Judy, your body doesn't care about your ambitious plans. It only responds to what you actually do consistently."
Ouch. But she was right.
One Small Thing
The solution isn't sexy or revolutionary, but it works: Focus on just ONE small thing that you are willing and able to do. And then do it.
Not what you "should" do according to that influencer with perfect hair who somehow manages to run a business, raise four kids, and maintain abs of steel. Oh and did I mention she’s actually the same age as you.
Not what your well-meaning friend who doesn't have your unique life circumstances thinks you should prioritize.
Just ONE small thing that YOU know you can actually incorporate into your real, messy, full life.
Take my friend Carol. At 53, her stress levels were through the roof, leading to insomnia, weight gain, and mood swings that were affecting her relationships. Everything you read would suggest a complete lifestyle overhaul, but Carol knew herself well enough to recognize she'd abandon that approach within days. (Midlife gives us the personal wisdom doesn’t it)
Instead, she chose ONE thing: a 10-minute walk after dinner. That's it.
Was it enough to reverse all her health issues immediately? Of course not. But here's what happened:
After a month, that 10-minute walk became as automatic as brushing her teeth
The small success gave her confidence to add another small change
The walking improved her sleep slightly, which gave her more energy
With more energy, healthy food choices became easier
Six months later, she had built a sustainable routine of several healthy habits – not by forcing an overnight transformation, but by letting one small success lead naturally to another
The Power of Integration vs. Addition
Here's the secret that changed everything for me: Stop thinking about ADDING new habits and start thinking about INTEGRATING them.
When you add something, it becomes one more thing on your to-do list, competing with everything else for your limited time and energy.
When you integrate something, you weave it into the fabric of your life until it becomes part of who you are and what you do.
For example:
Instead of adding "drink more water" to your to-do list, put a water bottle next to your coffee maker so it becomes part of your morning routine
Instead of forcing yourself to meditate for 20 minutes daily, practice three deep breaths while waiting for your computer to boot up
Instead of committing to an hour at the gym, do five squats every time you go to the bathroom
Integration is sustainable. Addition is exhausting.
The Grace of Progress, Not Perfection
This idea that if you can't do something perfectly, it's not worth doing at all is just bullsh*t.
My team member Janet struggled with this mindset. When I suggested she might benefit from reducing her sugar intake, she immediately declared she would eliminate ALL sugar from her diet. When I gently suggested starting smaller – perhaps just skipping her afternoon candy bar – she looked at me like I'd suggested she start smoking.
"What's the point?" she asked. "If I'm still eating sugar at breakfast and dinner, cutting out one candy bar won't make any difference."
This, my friends, is the perfection trap, and it's dangerously close to all-or-nothing thinking.
The truth? A 10% improvement is way better than a 100% plan that you abandon after three days (or even 3 months).
If you reduce your sugar intake by just that afternoon candy bar, that's roughly 200 calories a day, which translates to approximately 73,000 calories – or about 20 pounds worth of calories – over the course of a year. Still think small changes don't matter?
Your Permission Slip
Consider this your official permission slip to:
Start small – ridiculously small if necessary
Focus on integration, not addition
Celebrate progress over perfection
Acknowledge that sustainable change takes time
Give yourself the same grace you'd extend to your best friend
I’ve spent decades caring for everyone else – kids, husband, parents, colleagues. When I finally acknowledged my chronic fatigue and joint pain were signals I couldn't ignore anymore, I didn't try to undo 60 years of putting myself last in one heroic weekend warrior session.
Instead, I simply started saying "I need to think about it" instead of immediately saying "yes" to every request. That single boundary created space for me to gradually rebuild a relationship with myself.
A year later, the transformation is remarkable – not because I made dramatic changes overnight, but because I consistently honored one small commitment, which naturally expanded into other areas of my life.
Your Turn
So here's my challenge to you:
Identify ONE small change you're genuinely willing and able to make
Focus on integrating it into your existing routine rather than adding it as one more thing to do
Practice it consistently for at least 21 days
Only when it feels automatic should you consider adding something else
And perhaps most importantly, remember that you're not starting from scratch. You've spent decades building a life, gaining wisdom, and developing resilience. Those are powerful assets.
You don't need to transform everything at once. You just need to take one small step in the direction of the woman you want to become.
The rest will follow, I promise.
What's your ONE small thing going to be? Share in the comments – I'd love to hear from you.
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~Judy Davis is a motivational speaker, published author and Veteran Caregiver who shares candid stories, transformative mindset shifts, and practical strategies to help midlife women navigate the unexpected twists of life.