Remember When You Used to Be Someone Besides Mom, Wife, and Employee?
Do you remember the last time you did something purely because it brought you joy? Not because it needed doing, not because someone asked, but because your soul lit up at the thought of it?
If you're drawing a blank, you're not alone. So many of us midlife women have spent decades being everything to everyone – the caregiver, the problem-solver, the one who always says "yes". We’ve spent so much time being there for them, that we've forgotten we have dreams and passions of our own.
When Did You Stop Being You?
Somewhere between soccer practice and PTA meetings, and caring for aging parents while climbing the career ladder (or in my case building a business), you quietly tucked away pieces of yourself. That box of watercolors gathering dust in the garage? The guitar you swore you'd learn? The half-written manuscript hidden in your desk drawer? They're all casualties of a life spent prioritizing everyone else's needs above your own.
But here's the thing: those passions didn't disappear. They're still there, waiting patiently for you to remember them.
The Cost of Always Saying Yes to Others
We've become experts at self-sacrifice, haven't we? We pride ourselves on being the reliable one, the go-to person, the one who never lets anyone down. But what about letting ourselves down? What about all those times we've said no to our own desires because someone else needed something? (If only I had a penny for each no I’ve said to myself, I’d be a billionaire!)
The truth is, constantly putting yourself last isn't noble – it's exhausting. And it's time to admit that you deserve better than the crumbs of time and energy left over after everyone else has been served.
You're Allowed to Want Things
Yes I said it, YOU ARE ALLOWED to want things for yourself. Not practical things like a new vacuum or sensible shoes, but soul-feeding, joy-sparking, makes-you-feel-alive things. You're allowed to:
Take that class you've been eyeing for three years
Tell your family that Thursday nights are YOUR nights
Say no to yet another volunteer commitment
Spend money on art supplies instead of another family necessity
Wake up early to write, paint, or practice yoga – for you
For a long time I knew how important it was to want things for me, but it felt wrong and oh so selfish. That is until I had an aha moment. One day, I looked around and noticed that everyone in my life was doing something, buying something, or turning down something simply because they felt they deserved it. Anything from international trips to gadgets that would make their life simpler, you name it my people were getting what they wanted. I mentioned it to a friend and she asked me when was the last time I did something or bought something just because I wanted it? And I couldn’t answer the question. I had become so numb to anything of mine, be it a want or a need, taking precedence over someone else’s anything.
It was frightening how detached I had become to what actually made me happy, and I knew I needed to do something fast or the true authentic me would be lost forever.
Here's some of the strategies I used to get back to me:
1. Time Travel Exercise: Close your eyes and think back to age 25. What made your heart race with excitement? What did you dream about doing "someday"? Write it all down, no matter how silly it seems now.
2. The Jealousy Test: What makes you feel a twinge of envy when you see others doing it? That jealousy is often a signpost pointing to your own unexpressed desires.
3. Start Small: You don't need to quit your job and move to Tuscany (unless you want to!). Start with 15 minutes a day doing something that's purely for you.
4. Create Boundaries: This is the hard part. You'll need to start saying no to some things to make room for your yes. Practice phrases like "I'd love to help, but I have a commitment to myself that evening."
Your Passions Matter (Even If They Don't Make Money)
Let's address the elephant in the room: not everything you love needs to be monetized or justified. Hard lesson I have to keep reminding myself. You don't need to turn your watercolor hobby into an Etsy shop. You don't need to publish that novel. You can do things simply because they bring you joy. Revolutionary, right? Remember, just because you can, doesn’t mean you must.
Here's what nobody tells you: when you start honoring your own passions, you become more energized, more present, more... you. And that authentic version of yourself? She's the mother, partner, friend, and colleague everyone actually needs – not the depleted, resentful version who's running on empty.
Start Today, Start Now
Your passions have been waiting, but they won't be patient forever. That creative spark inside you needs oxygen to survive. It needs time, attention, and the radical act of putting yourself on your own priority list.
So what will it be? The dance classes you loved in college? The novel that's been percolating in your mind? The garden that exists only in your dreams? Whatever it is, it's time to stop treating your passions like luxuries and start treating them like necessities.
Because you're not just someone's mother, someone's wife, someone's employee. You're a whole person with dreams, desires, and gifts that the world needs. It's time to remember who you were before you became everything to everyone else.
Ready to stop putting yourself last?
Join our community of midlife women who are reclaiming their time, rediscovering their passions,
and remembering how to prioritize their own joy. Because you matter, too.
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~Judy Davis is a motivational speaker, published author and mental health mentor that helps people escape the "I'm Fine" trap with contagious energy, zero filter, and a toolkit that turns burned-out givers into joyful boundary-setters who finally put themselves on their own damn to-do list!