The “I’m Fine” Lie That’s Stealing Your Life
I’ll never understand how we all got into the unhealthy habit of saying "I'm fine" when we're absolutely not fine.
You know the drill. Someone asks how you're doing, and without missing a beat, those two little words roll off your tongue like they're programmed there. "I'm fine." Meanwhile, your marriage feels stale, your career has you questioning everything, and you're so tired of being everyone's go-to person that you fantasize about disappearing to a cabin in the woods.
But we've been told that "I'm fine" is the polite thing to say. The mature thing. The thing that doesn't burden others or make us look needy.
Here's what I know after 50+ years on this planet: "I'm fine" isn't polite, it's self-abandonment dressed up as good manners.
There is a better way that will give you your life back.
The next time someone asks how you are, pause for three seconds before answering. Just three seconds. Notice what comes up before your autopilot kicks in. That's your truth trying to surface and wouldn’t things be better if you let them?
When you automatically say "I'm fine," you're telling yourself that your real feelings don't matter. You're training yourself to ignore the voice that's trying to tell you something important, whether that's excitement about a new possibility or frustration about being taken for granted.
And every time you say "I'm fine" when you're not, you're committing a tiny act of betrayal against yourself. After decades of these micro-betrayals, is it any wonder that so many of us feel disconnected from our own desires and dreams? (I’ll tell you it’s not)
Think about it. When you consistently dismiss your own inner experience, you:
Stop trusting your instincts
Lose touch with what actually brings you joy
Become a stranger to your own needs
Wonder why you feel so empty despite having "everything"
That emptiness? That's your authentic self, buried under years of "I'm fine."
Here is the shift:
You are not a woman who settles for fine. You're someone who has earned the right to want more, feel more, and demand more from your life.
When someone asks how you're doing, you have permission to say:
"I'm excited about this new project I'm working on"
"Honestly, I'm struggling with some big decisions right now"
"I'm feeling really grateful today"
"I'm frustrated and trying to figure some things out"
You get to be a whole human being with a full range of experiences. You get to take up space with your truth. You get to be you, unapologetically!
Isn’t it time you become a truth-teller? Someone who honors her inner needs and wants. Someone who models for other women that we don't have to shrink ourselves into "fine."
Your action step for this week: Replace "I'm fine" with something real. Maybe with your closest friend or your sister. Notice how it feels to let someone see the real you.
Because the world doesn't need another woman who's "fine." It needs women who are awake, alive, and honest about their human experience.
Your feelings matter. Your dreams matter. Your struggles matter.
Stop betraying yourself with "fine." You're so much more than that.
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~Judy Davis is a motivational speaker, published author and Veteran Caregiver who shares candid stories, transformative mindset shifts, and practical strategies to help midlife women navigate the unexpected twists of life.