Stop Pretending You're Fine: Why Midlife Healing Happens in Groups
Whoever said that by midlife, we should have our shit together. That healing is a private, solitary affair best done behind closed doors with a good therapist and maybe some essential oils. That admitting we’re still figuring things out somehow makes us failures at this whole “wise woman” thing.
I call BullShit.
I spent years believing that my struggles were mine alone to bear. That asking for help was weakness. That sharing my messy, complicated truth would burden others or reveal me as the fraud I was convinced I was. Sound familiar?
Here’s what I’ve learned the hard way: You can’t heal what you won’t share. And that healing we’re all desperately seeking? It doesn’t happen in the vacuum of our own minds, it happens when we’re brave enough to let others witness our truth.
Just Show Up
The most radical thing you can do is show up somewhere, anywhere, where other women gather. Start small. That book club at the library where you’ve been meaning to go for three years? Go. The walking group that meets at the park? Lace up those sneakers. The group that’s evolved into a “we’re-all-figuring-this-out” group? Perfect.
You don’t need to bare your soul on day one. Just practice being in the same room with other women who are also navigating this wild ride called midlife.
Being Seen Changes Everything
There’s something magical that happens when another woman looks you in the eye and says, “Me too.” Not “at least” or “you should” or “have you tried”, just “me too.”
I remember the first time I shared my caregiving burnout with a small group of women. I expected judgment. Instead, I got heads nodding, tears flowing, and stories that mirrored my own. That moment? That’s when I realized I wasn’t broken, and I wasn’t alone.
When we’re witnessed in our truth, not our highlight reel, but our real, messy, complicated truth, something shifts. The shame loosens its grip. The isolation cracks open. We remember we’re not alone in this.
Healing Is Not Something You Do Alone
Healing isn’t about fixing yourself in isolation. It’s about remembering who you are in community with others who see you, accept you, and reflect back your worth when you can’t see it yourself.
We’ve been conditioned to believe that needing others makes us weak. But what if the opposite is true? What if the strongest thing we can do is create and seek spaces where we can be fully ourselves, fears, dreams, failures, and all?
Small groups become mirrors. They show us we’re not the only ones who feel lost sometimes, who question our choices, who wonder if we’re doing any of this right. They remind us that our struggles don’t make us failures—they make us human.
Finding Your Tribe: Where to Look
Start with What You Already Love
- Check your local library for book clubs, writing groups, or discussion circles
- Visit community centers for hobby groups, crafting circles, or fitness classes
- Look into religious or spiritual communities, many have small group ministries
- Explore continuing education classes at community colleges
Get Moving (Literally)
- Walking groups in parks or neighborhoods
- Hiking clubs for women
- Yoga studios often have community-building events
- Dance classes (yes, even if you think you can’t dance)
Dive into Causes You Care About
- Volunteer organizations always need committed people
- Environmental groups, literacy programs, animal rescues
- Political action committees or community advocacy groups
- Mentorship programs where you can both give and receive
Create Your Own
- Start a monthly coffee meetup for women in your neighborhood
- Organize a quarterly potluck for empty nesters
- Begin a monthly “real talk” circle in your living room
- Join online communities and transition to local meetups
Professional and Semi-Professional Spaces
- Networking groups for women entrepreneurs
- Professional associations in your field
- Business women’s breakfast groups
- Industry-specific meetups
We are not broken or need fixing. We’re not behind in life because we’re still figuring things out. We’re not too much or not enough.
We’re women in the middle of our story, brave enough to seek connection instead of settling for isolation. You’re someone who understands that healing happens not in hiding, but in the holy space of being truly seen.
The women who heal aren’t the ones who have it all figured out, they’re the ones who show up, speak their truth, and create space for others to do the same.
Your next chapter isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about finding your people, sharing your story, and discovering that the very things you thought made you broken are actually what make you beautifully, courageously human.
So here’s your assignment: Find one group. Show up once. See what happens when you let yourself be witnessed.
Because here’s what they don’t tell you: the healing you’re seeking isn’t hiding in your basement or your bedroom. It’s waiting in the sacred space between souls who dare to see and be seen.
Now go find your people. They’re looking for you too.
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~Judy Davis is a motivational speaker, published author and Veteran Caregiver who shares candid stories, transformative mindset shifts, and practical strategies to help midlife women navigate the unexpected twists of life.