Beyond the Hot Flash: What We're Really Not Talking About in Midlife
OK I’m over it and need to have a little heart-to-heart about something that's been bugging me lately.
Every time someone mentions a woman in her 40s, 50s and 60s, what's the first thing that comes up? Menopause. Hot flashes. Hormone replacement therapy. Night sweats. Blah, blah, blah.
Don't get me wrong, menopause is real, it's valid, and yes, it can be a total pain in the rear. AND it’s a topic that has been buried and hidden for WAY to long. But can we please stop reducing midlife women to walking, talking ovaries? Because, there is SO much more happening in our lives right now, and frankly, some of it is way more interesting than whether we're having a hot flash.
The Plot Twist Nobody Prepared Us For
Here's what nobody tells you about midlife: it's when life gets REALLY interesting. Not "interesting" like when your teenager decides to dye their hair purple at 2 AM (though that happens too), but interesting like finally having the guts to say what you really think or set and hold a boundary for the first time.
Remember when you used to nod politely at everything? When you'd bite your tongue so hard you practically needed stitches? Yeah, that woman just left the building. And I for one say good riddance.
Midlife is a time when you realize you've been playing small for decades, and suddenly you're done with that nonsense. You start speaking up. You stop accepting crappy treatment from friends and family who drain your energy. You quit pretending to like things you actually hate just to keep the peace.
This isn't menopause talking, it’s wisdom, experience and truth.
The Career Renaissance (Or Total Rebellion)
Let's talk about what's really happening professionally. Some of us are hitting our stride like never before. We've got experience, confidence, and zero tolerance for office politics. We're the ones getting promoted, starting businesses, or pivoting into careers we actually care about.
Others are having full-blown career identity crises that make a teenager's angst look like a minor mood swing. Maybe you've been climbing the corporate ladder for 20 years only to realize you're leaning against the wrong wall. Maybe you're staring at your job thinking, "Is this seriously what I'm doing with my life?"
And you know what? Both scenarios are completely normal and have absolutely nothing to do with your estrogen levels.
The Friendship Purge (It's Overdue)
Here's something they don't put in the midlife handbook: this is when friendships either deepen or reveal themselves. You start noticing which friends only call when they need something, which ones compete with you instead of celebrating you, and which ones make you feel exhausted every time you hang out.
The beautiful part? You finally have the courage to do something about it. You're not ghosting people (we're grown-ups here), but you're definitely becoming more selective about where you invest your precious time and energy.
Meanwhile, you're also forming some of the most authentic friendships of your life with women who get it. Who understand that you can love your family deeply while also needing space to figure out who you are outside of "mom" , “daughter” and "wife."
The Parent Plot Twist
Speaking of family, let's address the elephant in the room: our aging parents. While everyone's focused on our hormones, many of us are dealing with the reality that our parents need more help. We're the sandwich generation, caring for teenagers/adult children and parents who are losing pieces of themselves.
This isn't just about logistics and doctor's appointments (though there are plenty of those). It's about watching the people who raised you become vulnerable, about making impossible decisions, about grieving while the person is still alive.
And somehow, we're supposed to handle all of this while also figuring out what we want to be when we grow up. Because plot twist: midlife is when we actually grow up.
The Dreams Coming Out of Hibernation
Here's the exciting part that is so far from the “menopause” factor and nobody talks about: midlife is when our dreams start waking up and demanding attention. Remember that novel you wanted to write? That business idea you shelved? That trip you've been "someday-ing" for years?
Well, someday just showed up with an attitude and a deadline.
We're finally old enough to know that life is short and young enough to do something about it. We have resources we didn't have in our 20s, wisdom we couldn't have imagined in our 30s, and a delicious lack of patience for anything that doesn't matter.
The Relationship Reality Check
And let's be honest about marriages and partnerships. Midlife is when you realize you've either grown together or grown apart. When the kids aren't the constant buffer anymore, you're left looking at each other thinking either "I really like this person" or "Who the hell are you?"
Some relationships get a beautiful second wind. Others need serious renovation. And yes, some need to be torn down and rebuilt from scratch – or ended entirely.
This isn't about hormones making us "crazy" or "difficult." This is about finally having the clarity to see what's working and what isn't, and the courage to do something about it.
The Body Revolution
It’s a fact, our bodies are changing, but can we please expand the conversation beyond hot flashes? We're also discovering strength we didn't know we had. We're running marathons, taking up rock climbing, starting homesteads, finally learning to love exercise because it makes us feel good instead of doing it to shrink ourselves.
We're also making peace with our bodies in ways we never could before. Looking in the mirror and seeing a woman who has lived, who has stories written in every line and scar, who has earned the right to take up space and give ourselves a break from the critical voice inside our heads.
Your Midlife Action Plan
So here's what I want you to do right now:
Stop apologizing for taking up space. Your dreams matter. Your opinions matter. Your needs matter.
Audit your life ruthlessly. What's working? What's not? What are you keeping out of habit instead of joy?
Start the conversations that scare you. With your partner, your kids, your boss, yourself.
Invest in your future self. Take the class, write the book, plan the trip, have the difficult conversation.
Surround yourself with people who see your potential, not just your problems.
The truth is, midlife isn't about managing decline, it's about managing possibilities. And you've got more possibilities than you know what to do with.
So the next time someone wants to reduce your entire existence to menopause, smile sweetly and change the subject to something way more interesting: the amazing woman you're becoming.
Because that conversation? That's the one worth having.
What's one dream that's been knocking on your door lately? It's time to answer.
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~Judy Davis is a motivational speaker, published author and Veteran Caregiver who shares candid stories, transformative mindset shifts, and practical strategies to help midlife women navigate the unexpected twists of life.