The PTSD You Don't See Coming (And Why Midlife Women Need to Stop Pretending They're "Fine")
On this PTSD Awareness Day, let's talk about the trauma that's been hiding in plain sight. The trauma that wears the mask of being "strong" and "capable" and "fine." Did you know that Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) doesn't always come from war zones or car accidents.
Sometimes it comes from decades of being everyone else's emotional shock absorber. From watching a relationship implode. From holding your father's hand as he takes his last breath. From years of caregiving that left you so depleted you don't even recognize yourself anymore.
I used to think PTSD was something that happened to other people. People who'd been through "real" trauma. Not women like me who just felt overwhelmed, anxious, and completely disconnected from who they used to be. Not women who jumped every time the phone rang because it might be another crisis. Not women who couldn't sleep because their minds wouldn't stop racing through tomorrow's caregiving tasks.
Turns out, I was dead wrong.
Here's What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Sooner
Those "overreactions" you keep apologizing for? They're not crazy and they’re not character flaws, they're actually PTSD symptoms. That panic attack in the grocery store when you couldn't find the right pasta sauce? That moment you snapped at your husband over leaving dishes in the sink? Your nervous system is stuck in survival mode, treating everyday stressors like life-or-death emergencies because, frankly, that's what your life has felt like for so long. Stop apologizing and start recognizing these responses for what they are; trauma trying to keep you safe.
What you need to understand is that It's real, and it's rampant among midlife women. We're so busy taking care of everyone else that we don't recognize the signs in ourselves.
The hypervigilance.
The emotional numbing.
The way we flinch when someone needs something from us.
These aren't character flaws—they're trauma responses from carrying too much for too long.
You're not broken, and you're definitely not "too sensitive." You're a woman who's been through hell and kept everyone else safe while you burned. That takes incredible strength, but it also leaves scars. And those scars deserve the same care and attention you've given everyone else's wounds.
Who Are You?
You're not the woman who's "fine" when she's clearly not. You're not the martyr who sacrifices her mental health for everyone else's comfort. You're a survivor who's ready to prioritize her own healing.
You're the woman who says, "I'm struggling, and I'm getting help." You're the woman who recognizes that seeking therapy isn't giving up, it's growing up. You're the woman who understands that healing your trauma isn't selfish; it's the most generous thing you can do for everyone who loves you.
Here are some action steps you can take to support your healing process:
Name it: If you've been through prolonged stress, caregiving trauma, or life-altering loss, consider that your symptoms might be PTSD-related. You don't need a combat veteran's story to deserve support.
Find your people: Connect with other women who understand. Whether it's a support group, online community, or just one friend who gets it, it’s been proven that isolation makes everything worse.
Get professional help: EMDR, trauma-focused therapy, even medication if needed. You wouldn't ignore a broken bone; don't ignore a broken spirit when your mental health is at stake.
Practice the pause: Before automatically saying "I'm fine," pause. Ask yourself: "What do I actually need right now?" Then honor that answer. (The 3 Ways To Feel Better post is a good start)
You've spent years being strong for everyone else. Now it's time to be brave enough to be vulnerable for yourself.
Because the woman who acknowledges her wounds is the woman who can finally heal them.
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~Judy Davis is a motivational speaker, published author and Veteran Caregiver who shares candid stories, transformative mindset shifts, and practical strategies to help midlife women navigate the unexpected twists of life.