3 Quick Ways to Feel Better When You're Not "Fine" - Military Spouse Edition

Military life demands strength and resilience, but there's a difference between being strong and pretending everything is okay when it isn't. As a military spouse, saying "I'm fine" when you're struggling can take a serious toll on your mental health, relationships, and ability to cope with the unique challenges of military life.

When we repeatedly brush off our struggles with an automatic "I'm fine," we deny ourselves the support we need. This habit can lead to emotional isolation, increased stress, and eventually burnout. The military community values resilience, but true resilience comes from acknowledging challenges and seeking help—not from suffering in silence.

Many military spouses feel pressure to handle everything perfectly while their service member is focused on their mission. However, bottling up your feelings doesn't make you stronger; it only delays the inevitable crash that comes when you've stretched yourself too thin.

Three Quick Ways to Feel Better When You're Not "Fine"

1. Practice the 4-7-8 Breathing Technique

When stress feels overwhelming, try this simple breathing exercise: Inhale quietly through your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, then exhale completely through your mouth for 8 seconds. Repeat this cycle 3-4 times. This technique activates your parasympathetic nervous system, quickly reducing stress hormones and creating a sense of calm.

2. Reach Out to One Person Today

Send a text to another military spouse, call a family member, or message someone in your support network with an honest update about how you're doing. You don't need to share everything, but breaking the "I'm fine" cycle with even one trusted person can provide immediate emotional relief and remind you that you're not alone.

3. Set a 10-Minute Timer for Self-Care

When everything feels overwhelming, commit to just 10 minutes of something that brings you joy or peace. Whether it's stepping outside for fresh air, writing in a journal, enjoying a cup of tea without distractions, or doing a quick yoga stretch—giving yourself permission to pause can reset your emotional state and provide the mental space needed to tackle challenges more effectively.

Remember, acknowledging when you're not fine isn't weakness—it's the first step toward genuine strength and resilience. The military community thrives when we support each other honestly, and that begins with being truthful with ourselves.

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~Judy Davis is a motivational speaker, published author and mental health mentor that helps people escape the "I'm Fine" trap with contagious energy, zero filter, and a toolkit that turns burned-out givers into joyful boundary-setters who finally put themselves on their own damn to-do list!

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