Letting Go of Proof: How Releasing the Need for Certainty Finally Set Me Free
Have you ever felt as if life were one huge ride that you would rather just watch from the sidelines? At different moments, it feels like you are on a roller coaster that never seems to end.
You know the moment, your emotions are all over the place, they may even be changing at lightning speed. And well….you may just wish that you felt more…grounded.
Sound familiar? Maybe I'm the only one, but this has been my "mental" life this last month or so as #teamdavis navigates some medical challenges.
But this morning I had an aha moment....for those that know me well this probably isn't a "shocker" …my best AHA's often come when things are "messy".
This morning I realized often when I go through something, especially something that doesn’t “feel” good, I am all over the place emotionally because I just don’t feel grounded. And when I don’t know what to expect from one moment to the next every part of my life feels unstable.
I like to know what to expect. I like answers, and I want those answers yesterday!
Today I acknowledged that while I don't need to know exactly what the future holds, I do want and need PROOF that it will be ok. I have been wanting "Proof" that we both can handle the changes that come with the medical challenges my husband continues to have.
I want "proof" that we are making the right decisions.
I want "proof" that life won't be different.
I want "proof" that we can handle building a new lifestyle when it feels like everything is on unstable ground.
I want "proof" that I am not so burned out that I can thrive throughout another procedure.
But here's the funny part ....wanting the "PROOF" is what put me on this roller coaster ride in the first place...and frankly now that I know that in life "proof" doesn't protect you... I want off the ride I unknowingly stepped into.
I may never get the proof I feel I need, and that's ok. The truth, I probably don't even need it.
What I do need is to strengthen my belief that I am capable of dealing with any changes in an empowering way.
I need to remind myself that I can choose to have faith in the bigger plan.
I need to trust that my life is a series of moments, and in each and every one of them, I have the ability to choose my thoughts and where they lead me.
So while I'm unsettled as we continue this journey, it "feels" really good to trust, believe and let go of the stories I’ve got playing in my head. There is a freedom that is long overdue
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~Judy Davis is a motivational speaker, published author and mental health mentor that helps people escape the "I'm Fine" trap with contagious energy, zero filter, and a toolkit that turns burned-out givers into joyful boundary-setters who finally put themselves on their own damn to-do list!